Wednesday, 24 July 2013


Dear Citizens of Nigeria, I wonder ... I just wonder! What do the Denizens of the National Assembly think it means to be elected into those exalted chambers?!

To be elected into the hallowed precincts of those much sought after chambers is to be given an opportunity to prove oneself in the annals of the Nigerian socio-political terrain! Those who mess up their names or disregard their own integrity for filthy lucre or transient power, posterity will judge harshly.

Senators are supposed, we were told, to be distinguished elders, reputable lawmakers and venerable statesmen. My dictionary tells me that to be distinguished means to be capable of commanding great respect! These are select, privileged men who define the thrust of national policies - national direction - and who underscore the realities of the moment, as they blaze the paths to a glorious future for our darling beleaguered Nigeria. An adage from South-western Nigeria avers that the elder cannot be present in the marketplace and at the same time turn a blind eye to the infant whose neck is twisted at an unnatural angle behind its mother’s back.

Not so for the Elders of Nigeria: they are a great disappointment and embarrassment to the youth of this generation – they would rather play with their proverbial fiddle (undiscriminating phallus frolicking with terrified, under-age girls) while the nation could be totally incinerated, for all they care! They are the pristine white chicken which disdains its own principality in the congress of speckled fowls!

Now, they have metamorphosed into the proverbial blemishes on our love feasts! They have proved to us all that a good number of them are mere pervs in flowing white "agbadas". They are paederasts, or paedophiles, in modern parlance - men who criminally lust after little girls who still ought to be sitting down on Mommy's laps at home, learning how to be girls - not to talk of learning how to be women prematurely!

Unfortunately, these are the kind of men we have entrusted with the guardianship and upgrading of our constitution - the corpus of laws which guide our corporate existence as a nation. Are we being told that they are so clueless or uncaring about pressing national issues like the ailing economy, the death-traps called roads, the stagnating force of erratic power supply on the economy, the deadlocked, comatose state of the academic sector, the alarming geometrical increase in youth unemployment, its inevitable effect and what it portends for the general security of Nigerians and hard-nurtured investments and the debilitating state of the health sector?

We are being made a laughing stock in the international community by those people we have entrusted with the protection of our collective dignity and commonwealth. These men in speckless white agbada are actually decked in speckled reputations, tainted speech and dappled characters, while the evil they perpetrate and perpetuate behind the scenes are best termed precursors of physical abominations and spiritual horrors! They have been known to shamelessly legislate for the feathering of their own pecuniary nests with resounding “ayes” while they callously chorus “nays” to the commonwealth of the less privileged majority of the electorate. They have been known to throw caution to the winds in the quest for personal aggrandisement! They are undoubtedly distinguished in the art and science of treachery and self-centredness.

Moreover, I wonder at the criminal quietude, or should I say, indifferent complacence of the other [un]distinguished Senators in the [un]hallowed chambers, who are not in obvious support of this attempt at constitutional suicide – especially the womenfolk amongst them! Do they not know that silence on their part, at that level is tantamount to a tacit agreement?

Again, this trouble-invoking, rabble-rousing hirsute Senator, who has despised his own seniority, dignity and maturity – like (permit me to allude to) the Biblical Esau, who despised his birthright, all for a paltry plate of his Edomic red pottage - to espouse himself to a poor under-age girl by invoking his wealth and affluence to bedazzle her poor Egyptian parents due to their impecunious circumstances; he has infected his peers with the unreasonableness of his impunity and indignity. He goes around with a shameless swagger, figuratively-speaking, dancing in the nude, touting his lettered ignorance like a conspicuous deformity on his forehead for all to see the hopelessness of the blackened deviousness of his soul.

I actively loathe it when people dogmatically and manipulatively tout religion, culture or freedom as the basis of their arrogant desecration of all that is human, humane and dignifying within us (as is the case with Abubakar Shekau and his brutish, brainless, bloodthirsty Boko Haramic hordes as well as other terrorist groups; those who seek recognition on any level for homosexuality as a way of expressing one’s ungodly and unnatural liberty in the society; and female genital mutilation, ignorantly called female circumcision!).

What precisely would an under-age girl (no matter how precocious she might be) know about marriage - the institutional preserves of more experienced adults?  Or how to manage a man and his complicated sexuality, a home, in-laws and outlaws (extra-marital incursions and excursions) and her largely-unexplored budding sexuality?

Even the adults, with all their so-called maturity, we see the puzzled despair which they make of their marital forays, not to mention a naive, impressionable under-age girl! Apart from this, medically-speaking, under-age girls are physiologically and emotionally not prepared to accommodate the burden of bearing children - a stupid case of children bearing children! Of course, this accounts for the high prevalence of Vesico Vagina Fistula (Plural Fistulae) (VVF) disease amongst women in the Northern part of the country.

VVF is a grossly embarrassing and agonising health condition prevalent amongst under-age girls who got pregnant and delivered children when their reproductive organs were not yet fully developed to bear the strain of the child-bearing activity - an incontinent disease in which the afflicted woman cannot control the flow of urine due to the damage to her urino-genital tracts.

It goes without saying that these evil men with plastic smiles, in their flawless flowing robes and flawed psyche and conducts, do not care - in their callousness - if these girl-women suffer such pain, humiliation and indignity.

Sometimes, I tend to wander in my wondering (as I do wonder in my wanderings) if there are bizarre undertones of ghastly and ghoulish human rituals that many of these men in power are nationally infamous for. What pleasures are to be derived from the puerile innocence of little girls beat the imagination.

But here we are, again, at this obnoxious triple junction which confuses the native not to mention the stranger! Again our leaders are forcibly thrusting our heads - baptizing us - in the creeks of ignominy and pandemonium, as legislators in saner climes brainstorm on the best ways and best practices to take their people forward - ours are pandering to their jaded libidos and lascivious natures.

The “man” - or humanity, if you feel more comfortable with that term - in every one of us will die if we do not humiliate them and silence their legislative impunity with the uproar of our collective national indignation. We put them there to make laws that will suit us, not to please themselves. We must protect our tender girls from the vicious arms of legalized rape and constitutional defilement. Our girls must be given the right to be well-balanced, well-educated, well-groomed and to make their own choices of career and marital partner in life.

To this end, the Senate President, [General] David Mark, must influence his “distinguished” peers in the Senate to unanimously tender their unreserved apologies to the entirety of the Nigerian populace and promise not to descend so low to such a nadir of obscenity and corruption next time. They must promise to promote legislation that will bring progress, development, advancement, peace, unity and prosperity to the good and hardworking people of Nigeria who voted them into their distinguished offices.

Thursday, 11 July 2013


Wow, I have always admired this man amongst men! – One of the wittiest and most incisive radical socio-political commentators to have emerged out of Black Africa, not to mention his world-renowned prowess as a playwright, poet and stage director.

The 1986 Nobel Laureate in Literature is fondly called “Kongi” by the literati, after a major character in one of his plays, Kongi’s Harvest. He has an uncanny knack for going unerringly for the jugular – the very heart of any matter! Admired by many and loathed by more, there is no one more imminently and eminently qualified at this time in Nigerian history than this erudite Professor of Comparative Literature, who has seen it all – to call “Madame, la Femme de notre President – notre reine!” to order urgently – and, of course, done in his own inimitable style (as you will see, a rare feat which drove many tyrants and megalomaniacs-in-power to crazed distraction in their transient time – including Abacha!), there is no more succinct way of putting the matter!

With his dignified hoar-frosted Afro-style hair and fluffy Moses-like beard vibrating in indignation, I was so impressed with Soyinka’s speech that I transcribed it here for your enjoyment, trying to capture the heated exasperation of his mood as he delivered the speech. Read it and make your own comments:

“For me, er ... the siege of Port Harcourt for eleven days, with full security apparatus indicates that we --- it’s something beyond even that Madam herself, you know. My last word to her is that just be a lady first before being a First Lady. In fact, you cannot be a First Lady without being a Lady – and that is the only advice I have for her, because now it is evident that she is getting away with murder in this country - only because she has the backing of her husband - and that she is being used – in my view – politically.

“When things get to a stage where an unelected person – a mere domestic appendage of power - can seize control of a place for eleven days; and as a result of her presence, the Governor of that State is told by a policeman: “You cannot pass here because the Queen is there” – I mean, what sort of jungle are we living in? So again, there is at the very least, a vicarious responsibility that must be laid at the door of President Jonathan. And above all, I am calling on the President – now openly, publicly:

 “Please curb the excesses of your wife!"

“You know, she is a wife, she is an unconstitutional being. She should not be empowered to such an extent that she is flouting the prerogatives, the rights and the responsibilities of the Governor of any State – be this Lagos, Oyo State, Rivers – or wherever. Too much is too much! The Papers have been crying - I read Youth Speak the other day on one of the pages of the Paper – exactly the same thing – What is it?! Is she the first First Lady we’ve had in this nation? The vulgarity has become intolerable - and is being used, I noticed - and this is the worst part of it – is now being used directly or indirectly to destabilise, or at least, reduce the authority of an elected Governor.

“We have now reached the bottom of obscenity, and it’s got to stop!"